People You’ve Never Heard Of


These two things I know:

1) Nobody cares about your fantasy team. While in this case “your” means “my,” it’s true for everybody. The only person who cares about your team, who you drafted, and what trades you made, is you. Even the people you might be playing in your head-to-head league don’t care, or they only care inasmuch as you suck that week.

2) I realize there has only been one week played in the MLB season.

But that’s not going to stop from proclaiming that my team might be the worst ever. At least offensively. (more…)

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supersupergay.jpgShit week. Job. Girls. Family. Money. Everything. Just a shit week. I even made my flight reservations for a friend’s wedding to the wrong city. Oops.

It all kind of makes fantasy sports seem even dumber and gayer than they already are. Yet, I’m in three leagues (2 football, 1 fútbol… I’m actually in 2 of these but I lost the l/p to the one for That’s On Poitnt (Sorry Cardillo, I’m the dick in last place still starting Reo Coker)). Anyway, I took a beating akin to a 12- year-old’s penis after he just discovered masturbation. In all leagues. Just piling on I suppose.

Bust after a decent start I am just getting raked in my fantasy fútbol league. EPL info is too hard to come by and I seem to cause players to score multiple goals by dropping them and cause them to get red cards by picking them up. So fuck all of them. And fuck them 5-7-5 style.

(more…)

mahmoud.jpgAs I steal liberally from the New York Times…

“This is a great time for Iraqis, and a small reward for their suffering from killings and displacement. This is a message to the entire world that Iraqis want peace, good, and building their country. This message is opposite to all the agendas working against the goals of Iraqis. The Iraqi politicians have failed in unifying Iraqis, but football did that.” —Akram Al-Ghaderi, 33, journalist.

As promised—and I know how many of you intended to hold me to this—I managed to crawl out of bed early this morning to watch the Asian Cup final between Iraq and Saudi Arabia. Okay, I slept in a little and missed the entire first half. Fortunately, it was still knotted at 0-0 when I arrived at the pub. Even the sport’s most ardent supporters have to admit it’s a major flaw when you can miss half the event and still not really miss anything.

From what I saw, Iraq created more chances and were deserving of the win. Still, Iraq was so shaky toward the end of the match that its defense was registering on the Richter scale and if there had been three or four more minutes of stoppage time the Saudis would have found a way to equalize.

But the match itself wasn’t nearly as entertaining as my watching experience. (more…)

hockey_in_july.jpgThat’s a lie. It’s actually just time consuming. So unless it’s your job, you kind of have to really want to write about something to make the effort. That would explain the long gap between posts. Well that and my new love for Kige Ramsey.

Anyway, I’ve almost written several posts but 1) I only kind of care enough about any of them to take the time and 2) Only one of the ideas lends itself to much humor. So, rather than start sounding like George Will, I punted. Really. Last night I worked on a puzzle while watching the All Star game. It’s pretty great, the second I’m done I just put it back into exactly the same state as when I started. My attempts to combat entropy are futile.

Universe 1 – Precious Roy 0

Here’s a list of what I almost wrote about (Or, alternatively, find out why I’ve got hockey in July for artwork): (more…)

Round Two has begun. I’m in a ridiculously brutal bracket. And frankly just being part of it is an honor.

Okay, so I’m a bad liar.

I seriously don’t mind losing. What I do mind is losing to a guy who uses any iteration of “-izz” vernacular, and a particular one that sounds like a character from Seasme Street were said street in South Central.

It’s nothing personal.

Damn, I am a seriously bad liar.

Really, I know nothing about my opponent. He might rescue kitties from trees and help NBA’ers feed their families. But he’s probably not a host on the WPCBCN and I’d just prefer winning to, you know, losing.

Vote here.

And have a nice day.

[Update: I have lost (Note to self: Be hotter).] 

dufaux.jpgMeet Laurent Dufaux. Your Tour de France winner.

From 1996.

Dufaux actually finished fourth in the tour that year, five and a half minutes behind winner Bjarne Riis.

However, Riis came clean today (May 25, 2007) that he rode dirty during the Tour. In addition to EPO, Riis admitted to using cortisone and human growth hormone and noted, “The only effect I had was that I rode faster.” See, folks. Drugs work. (more…)