My idiot friends


cheaty.jpgWow, Gabe, that was actually well-reasoned. Well, except for the part about buying breakfast. In fact, I’m pretty sure you don’t want me going into any personal history on this. Your wife thinks highly of you, I hate to ruin that in a blog post.

So instead I will ruin one of your theories. If the line is “off” for ND, Texas, Alabama, Oklahoma, etc., then savvy gamblers will recognize that there is free money out there to be had. Once that money has poured in to arbitrage it away, there would be too much on one side and Vegas, which isn’t really in the prognosticating industry so much as the risk-mitigation business, would have to move the line accordingly.

Efficient markets. Look into the concept.

Anyway, I went 1-3 last week to cement my place among the world’s worst clairvoyants (7-21 on the season). I think you are doing better only because you stopped counting.

So you stick to your rules, I’m going to use some of my own to pick your games. (more…)

manginothinnerdays1.jpgThe World’s Worst Prognosticator (that’s me) only managed to go 3-1 last week by not actually prognosticating. Really, it was a totally random finger to the computer screen. And I almost went 4-0 had the coach at Troy not called timeout 3 times in the last 30 seconds of the game to get one more touchdown and the cover.

Dick.

So I raise my record to a pathetic 6-18. I’m almost disappointed that I couldn’t manage to go 0-4 a third straight week but, again, I actually took myself out of the equation. And the two games that Gabe Kaplan’s Stylist picked that I contemplated doing, I went 0-2 on. So, I might have pulled it off had I tried, but that would have required effort and stuff.

Anyway, it’s pretty clear what to make of what I say. So with that in mind…

Play in traffic. Take candy from strangers. Invest on stock tips found on the Internet. Share a needle with Keith Richards. Go hunting with powerful politicians. Have unprotected sex next time you’re in Estonia.

More bad advice after the jump. And this week, like guys with no stamina, it comes early. (more…)

led_zeppelin_330x470.jpgFor all of my indie rock snobbery, man I fucking love Led Zeppelin. And I forget this. So when I break it out, I get the pleasant surprise of re-realizing, “Holy shit, this is freaking awesome.”

What’s this have to do with college football? Nothing. I’m just rocking Physical Graffiti right now. And for all the run the standards get, “The Rover” might have the coolest Jimmy Page riff of all time. At least it’s the most fun to replicate with your mouth.

It’s definitely more fun than showing what an idiot I am on a weekly basis. Really, this season is an absolute disaster, but as I pointed out earlier in the week the smarty pantses in Las Vegas are just as clueless.

Still, if I can’t even go 2-2 this week, I’m going to resort to darts for next.

Gabe Kaplan’s Stylist seems off the ball this week. [Ed. Note: Picks are now up.]If I get his snark, I’ll post it and my responses to his equally stupid picks, but for now… to trip is just to fall: (more…)

mcconcussed.jpgSo, if last week is any indication, the picks are worthless (under promising), but hey you get them a day early this week (over delivering). We also kind of have to because one of the games is the Thursday Kentucky v. Carolina tilt.

This week’s caveat: I would have told you that Southern Miss -21 was a lock against Rice in the Wednesday game.

And I would have been right… provided they didn’t play the first three quarters. I guess that’s why they call them quarters, though. There are four of them. With that firm grasp on the obvious in mind here are my picks. Followed by my reponse to the counter-programming over at Gabe Kaplan’s Stylist. Enjoy. And remember these are for entertainment purposes only. And by “entertainment” I mean “gambling.” (more…)

untitled.jpgWell the only prediction I got right was when I said that, because I’m now making my picks available for public consumption, they were likely to be wrong. But if you took my advice and didn’t take my advice (or more accurately took the opposite advice) you made out okay.

Recap after the jump… (more…)

kaplan_01.gifWell, now I can pretty much assure this this will happen weekly. If my friends are going to go out of their way to give me shit, then I will do likewise. And you can’t be much more antagonistic than starting a blog specifically for the purposes of taunting me.

But it’s funny. I even laughed out loud at the Tess of the Tuberville line.

My picks are in the post below. I won’t comment on his comments on my picks. That’s a little too meta and a little too ####. But he’s bong-rattling high if he thinks South Florida is going to cover.

(more…)