I’m scrambling to get these up before the Horns and the Aggies face off. So there is minimal snark to kick off this week’s picks. Plus I think I’m still in a tryptafan coma. But it’s rivalry week. Yep, nothing like the traditional West Fuckin’ Virginia v. Connecticut tilt to fire up a sports weekend. At least Kansas v. Missouri means something really significant for the first time ever. I’m going to stop bashing the Fat Man. I am in awe of what he’s done in Lawrence this year. Plus, I’m fearful he might sit on me.
Useless information is after the jump.
Alabama +7 over Auburn
I believe in the South, they call this playing “possum.” Seriously, even their quaintness sounds trashy. Yeah, the Crimson Tide’s loss to one of the Louisianas last week was just a deke. Saban knew the season was done in that they weren’t even going to compete for much beyond a shot at the Seattle Bowl or some shit like that. So he tanks a game. Now Auburn is overconfiden and primed for the upset. Saban beats the rival and he goes from goat back to savior in seven days’ time.
Missouri pick ’em over Kansas
Did you see Holtz’s pep talk for Kansas? Holy shit that thing was awesome. I was ready to go pick up a gun and start offing people from Missouri (those bastards) and I’m a pacifist. Still, I would have gone broke betting against the Fat Man, but Holtz is 0-2 in Big 12 pep talks, his only two losses. The trend is my friend.
Texas -6 over Texas A&M
This one opened at nine. Yeah, if you get more than seven for the home team in a rivalry game, take it. But I can’t get nine anymore. So six? No. Why? Because Fran is an idiot. Yes, he”s the same idiot that came into Austin last year and won. And he’s got the same main skill guys (Bennett, Lane, Goodson) from that game, but he’s still an idiot. Mack and the Horns just need to burn the crappy A&M secondary a couple of times deep and the Farmers lose playing from behind. But if we’re lucky the Ags keep it close enough so that there are copious sideline shots of Mack doing his “This game is so tight I need to take a shit” pose that he defaults to in a tight spot.
Boise State +3.5 over Hawaii
Sorry, Hawaii. In a cruel twist of fairy tale fate, last year’s Cinderella jams a bunch of glass shards into your unshod foot. What happens to a dream deferred indeed. Yeah, Langston Hughes, bitches.