partyhats1.jpg Let’s celebrate consistency—we can make little party hats and serve cupcakes—because ‘consistent’ is the only thing I am. Well, I’m also smart enough not to bet my own picks but after 3 weeks of this, I am 3-9, having gone 1-3 every week.

I would have gone 2-2 but OU can’t seem to convert a fucking extra point(…and that’s why you live in Norman). At least I didn’t put up an 0-fer as Gabe Kaplan’s Sylist did. And I was dead on when I predicted that Kurt Warner’s God would abandon him. I might not know football, but I am a theological genius.

So let it be written.

I think I’ve joked about just taking my advice, going the other way, then retiring. Seriously, if I were 9-3, I’d have a 900 number and a trophy wife by now. Well, I’m going to take my own advice on taking my advice and I’ll be knee deep in hookers and poundcake by this time next week.

Let’s go to the videotape.

Nebraska -3 over Texas A&M.

Nebraska has lost its last two game by a combined 104 -6 (or something like that). People in Lincoln are leaving games early. And Callahan’s resume is already up on I think that middle one is a sign of the apocalypse. Nebraska is done. Moreover, a mediocre A&M team actually has a running game, and they should shred that crappy black shirts defense. Everything tells me Aggies. I’m going Huskers.

Navy +3 over Wake Forest

How come every year NFL handicappers roll out stats about how great the Cowboys are the week after the Thanksgiving game and the extra days off, but nobody ever talks about any advantage from extra days at the college level? No, really? Wake is decent. Navy is still an academy. Must be wrong.

Central Michigan +17 over Clemson

Tommy Bowden is at home. He’s lucid. He knows his tushy is warm. And he runs the ball with Spiller and Davis about 68 times to stop a 2-game skid. It’s Central Michigan fer chrissakes. Okay this one I can actually make a case for my not taking my own advice. Clemson hasn’t really beaten anyone (and FSU is now not even ‘anyone’). The Chippewas are 4-3 and their losses are to an undefeated Kansas (and just typing that makes me feel like someone put window pane in my morning coffee), a pre-October Purdue, and North Dakota State. Laugh at the undefeated Bison—and I didn’t even know there were 11 people in North Dakota to field a football team—but they are ranked like #18 in the Sagarin poll. This could be a sucker bet, and I’m a sucker. This week’s theme is consistency, take the points.

Buffalo +6 over Syracuse

Isn’t Greg Robinson still the coach at ‘Cuse? Okay. Oh wait, that’s the wrong kind of rationale. Now, I’m just confusing myself with my Bizarro World picks.