hockey_in_july.jpgThat’s a lie. It’s actually just time consuming. So unless it’s your job, you kind of have to really want to write about something to make the effort. That would explain the long gap between posts. Well that and my new love for Kige Ramsey.

Anyway, I’ve almost written several posts but 1) I only kind of care enough about any of them to take the time and 2) Only one of the ideas lends itself to much humor. So, rather than start sounding like George Will, I punted. Really. Last night I worked on a puzzle while watching the All Star game. It’s pretty great, the second I’m done I just put it back into exactly the same state as when I started. My attempts to combat entropy are futile.

Universe 1 – Precious Roy 0

Here’s a list of what I almost wrote about (Or, alternatively, find out why I’ve got hockey in July for artwork):

1) Eric Bedard as the biggest All Star snub.

Full disclosure. I have a man crush on Eric Bedard. But it’s only because he is totally awesome. But to make a compelling case for that I would have had to go look up most of his stats. For some reason, that seems like too much work right now.

Without looking, I know he’s leading the MLB in K’s. It’s not just that he’s leading, but his margin over the next best in the AL, Santana, is about 25, or two-to-three-games worth of K’s. His ERA is probably 3-point-something-smallish. His record is only decent but that’s because his bullpen has cost him maybe three or four wins. And I’d guess he has posted a quality start in all but two or three of his outings.

But if he were in New York, he’d be heralded as the main reason the Yankees are only 6 back (instead of the 10 that they are), he’d probably be much richer, and he’d be seen having lunch with models. Oh, and he’d have rendered Roger Clemens superfluous.

Instead he lives in Baltimore.

I’m sure Bedard is aware of all of this. Just look at his line score from his last outing before the All Star game and it’s pretty clear he was trying to tell people something. Facing the Texas Rangers Bedard threw a complete game, 2-hit shutout while tying a club record for strikeouts with 15. Actually the pile of K’s kind of make the 2-hitting sound a little less impressive. When players are swinging and missing everything, it makes it hard to get a hit.

Anyway, if Roberts’ (the O’s All Star rep over Bedard) inability to throw out the slowest man in San Francisco last night had led to a full comeback from the NL, I would have put together something about the baseball Gods meting out justice. Instead Tony LaRussa used his genius to defeat even Gods. Not bad for a drunken lawyer.

2) Who’s ####?

This was meant to be a poke at ESPN’s Who’s Next? Quite possibly the dumbest idea in the history of humanity. I even went so far as to draw up a partial list of competitors and seeds.

Example:

1-Seeds

1) David Beckham: Start hanging out with Tom Cruise, and what do you think people are going to think? Other than you must be a fucking idiot.

1) Johnny Weir: He’s a figure skater. He probably should have gotten a bi. Hey-O.

2-Seeds

2) Jeff Garcia: You can marry all the playmates you want, you’re not proving that you’re not gay. Although you might be proving that you are Mormon.

Etc.

This idea fell by the wayside when I realized putting together actual polls that would allow people to vote was going to be an incredible time suck. Plus, piling on the WWL is getting a little tiresome.

Brady Quinn and the entire WNBA were the other two Number 1 seeds. I was planning on matching Quinn up against a Pink Fanny Pack as an 8-seed.

3) A Belated Homage to David Halberstam

I reread The Amateurs this week, it is easily one of the greatest sports books ever. That book actually changed the course of my life for about four years. Okay, it wasn’t entirely responsible but it was a contributing factor.

Still, it would ultimately be a post about rowing. And this is still America.

4) Some ranting on the USMNT’s showing at the Copa America

I can’t imagine I’d have anything more (or better) to offer than that’s on point.

5) A List of the Greatest Calls in Sports

Without even using the Google, I bet this one has been done. And probably several times.

Still, the idea came when a buddy and I were watching the Home Run Derby and ESPN did a montage of the greatest home runs in history. Anyway, we knew the Bobby Thompson call (“The Giants win the pennant. The Giants win the pennant…”) but we didn’t even know why we knew it. If you know the call but don’t even know the game or why it was important, that makes it kind of awesome.

I did a little research and, after making a mental list of my favorites, came up with something common to most of the most memorable calls. So, for that reason alone I might eventually follow through with this one. Maybe the knowledge will someday help Kige.

I also came across this (mp3 link).

That is the most perfect moment in sports (unless your last name is Tikhonov). And it has the perfect call to go with it. Most people focus on Al Michaels, and as great as his announcing was in those waning seconds, my favorite bit is Ken Dryden in the background both before after Michaels delivers his ‘miracle’ line. Dryden says ‘unbelievable’ to himself like a man who had pushed back the stone.

Over 25 years later, these few seconds can sill almost bring me to tears.

Sports can be that great even if I can’t be moved enough to want to write about it.

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