Inspired by a Deadspin headline and a Deadon comment thread, this week’s odes to my fantasy team is in honor of the late Wesley Willis.

Daisuke Matsuzaka


Mister Sparkle pitched
Forty thousand people came
The show was a jam

Derrek Lee


Five game suspension
Appeal? You were on the bench
Suck a llamas dick

Rafael Furcal

Rafael Furcal
He can rock this place apart.
But right now he sucks

Carlos Zambrano


Big Z’s stuff is back
12 K’s. Rock over London
Rock on Chicago

Eric Bedard


Bedard is the best
He is too good for the O’s
He whupped Batman’s ass

Bartolo Colon


Just like Bartolo
I’m sorry that I got fat
We both love milkshakes

Wesley Willis


Casio keyboards
Chronic Schizophrenia
R.I.P Wesley

Clearly Wesley isn’t on my fantasy team. Even if he could make good contact, he’d have problems making it down the line to first. He’d probably get thrown out from left field. Plus, he’s been dead almost four years now. But in Wesley’s story is everything great and everything despicable about the music business. Much the same can be said about my players and the completely fake game that is fantasy baseball.

I don’t know if that even makes sense. Feel free to go 5-7-5 on your own players in the comments.